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MarcMiller
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Name: Marcus
Location: Minnesota, United States
Interests: Singing, Theater, Writing and listening to music.... constantly.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/25/2006
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| Ummm... So going to Chicago is going to be pretty awesome... Yeah. One more thing.
... I'm going to see "The Last Five Years" there, too.
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| I wrote this editorial for the Times-Delphic two weeks ago... I needed to post this.
There are few names scattered throughout history that strike paralyzing feelings of awe and reverence into the hearts of men. Napoleon? No - too short… Too French. Julius Caesar? No again - the man wore a dress and a tiara made of shrubbery. Rocky Balboa was high on my list until too much hand-to-hand combat and unnecessary sequels destroyed the parts of his brain necessary to function. Now it seems our world is void of a hero, a modern day Hercules.
Have we no one to look up to? No beacon of light in the dark, scary world of popular culture? It seemed so, my friends. It seemed so, until from beneath the rubble of failed martial arts movies, syndicated television and satirical scene framing emerged none other than the last great icon of American entertainment.
If you expected me to say Mr. Rogers… you’re a moron. Good guess – but you’re still a moron. Those cardigan sweaters are hot, though.
No faithful readers, I am talking about none other than the karate chopping, roundhouse kicking, stage combat genius that is Chuck Norris.
The reason for this 66 year-old’s sudden rise to fame certainly defies all screen acting logic. It’s hard to attain entertainment longevity with a wardrobe that for the last twenty years has consisted of awkwardly tight jeans, bolo ties and classy flannel shirts. Never mind the massive array of karate belts that capture every shade from white to the darkest degrees of black.
I think the entertainment world fears Chuck.
Who wouldn’t, with arms that dwarf pythons and legs that rival the great redwoods of the northwest? Chuck Norris is an intimidating beast of a man. And so I am burdened with the great task, nay – the responsibility, to pay tribute to this Oklahoma native whose roundhouse kicks are so swift, they could send me back to the 17th century. No DeLorean ever pulled that off.
Chuck would kick me further back in time, but native tribes from the 1500s regard him as God-like and would work themselves into a lethal frenzy if they saw him come to retrieve me. Chuck is always thinking about interrupting that precious space-time continuum, bet that you didn’t know that.
There are a lot of things about Chuck Norris people might not know. Most of them are covered by little snippets of Chuck trivia that people simply call “Chuck Norris Facts.” Most of these amusing morsels of information are completely false, and by most… I mean all of them. But I really do think Waldo is hiding because of Mr. Norris.
These facts have caught on only recently, and even Chuck Norris recognizes their merits – check his website, he approves.
But for as many of our generation who have jumped the Chuck Norris bandwagon, an equal number of Gen-Y-ers are confounded by the obsession with these scraps of ridiculous information. Why waste time memorizing erroneous facts about a former national karate champion, and mediocre law enforcement official? Americans already lag far behind global education standards, so why perpetuate our idiotic international image by worshiping a man made famous by a poorly made cable drama?
Because we can – and I love it.
And whenever the opportunity presents itself to mock and ridicule public figures who by no fault but their own have made unwise career moves, we will do it again. Vin Diesel became the target of similar facts last year – a trend that fizzled quickly – after he tried to pull off the lead in “The Pacifier.” He deserved every poke of fun he got for that one. And even though Chuck Norris’ is finally paying his dues for Walker Texas Ranger more than a decade after the series finale, we find that the wait only makes the jokes a bit sweeter. The man should have stuck to Taekwondo.
But through all the laughs and verbal jabs, Chuck Norris offers hope to all run-of- the-mill combat champions turned actors. Heck, he gives all actors hope – all people, even. Hope that regardless of talent or good looks (my apologies to the loyal groupies who fawn over Chuck’s fiery goatee and Gibraltar-like nose) anyone can succeed in the cruel world of entertainment. And someday become a legend.
Not your ordinary legend either. A legend that can divide by zero, cure cancer with his own tears, and count to infinity – twice. Thank you Chuck Norris for being a hero and for giving people hope, while also providing the reassurance that every avid viewer of the USA network will have a time to nap between the hours of 5 and 6am central time every weekday.
Thank you for that.
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|  | Currently Listening
In Concert
By Rockapella
"People Change" - great song. Beats the Carmen Sandiego Song, at least.
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Going a month without updating this is a little ridiculous, I admit. Even considering my recent apathy toward online diaries, but I'll satiate my "eager" audience for a while. Covering the last month of my life would result in a novella-esque post that I'm not terribly willing to sit down and write, especially with dinner looming in the next half hour.
I eat really early. I think I'd make pretty awesome senior citizen - I'll get back to you in forty-five years to let you know if that's come to fruition.
Besides contemplating my twilight years - no, not really... too young for that - I've really enjoyed this semester. I decided before this half of my year started that I was going to make a bit of a change in my daily routines. In other words - I'm slacking less, and that's pretty awesome not to be stressed out all the time. People see me from my little reading "nook" in our lobby all the time; they tell me I look depressing, working all the time. Really, minus the musical theater I feel like I've settled into my high school routine. Yeah, it's odd.
It's comforting to productive, though... and nostalgic. The only downside is that this is college. So there's more work, and that means it'll take more time. The wonderful product of that work/time equation is substantially less time to go out with friends. I usually end up too exhausted to do anything but watch television at the end of the day. It's not as bad as it sounds, though. There's only so much partying I can do before I start to feel like I'm wasting my time - time to do something useful. But I gave up drinking for lent, so partying won't be too much of an issue for the next five weeks. I also gave up cussing, and pop.
Hmm... It’s tougher than it sounds. Not swearing is the toughest though... wow. Drinking and the pop thing is easy, you have to go out of your way to do either. My tolerance for all things alcohol will be SHOT by the time Relays comes around. Haha. Oh well - I'll spend less money. I'm always looking for that financial benefit.
In other news, our Drake Choir tour to Chicago and South Bend, Indiana (Go Irish) is in two weeks. So I'm cramming for that with all sorts of homework. That'll make our spring break about 4 days longer because it overlaps. We're staying a half-block from Michigan Avenue, though. Sweet. I'm pretty excited, even considering the repertoire we have absolutely blows this semester. Can't win 'em all though.
Well, I'm going to get set for dinner - good timing.
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|  | Currently Listening
Fire
By Electric Six
"I'm the Bomb" -- Any song that incorporates the word "Gerrymandering" into the lyrics is plain AWESOME... and I'm the bomb
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Hello, and safe travels to you faithful readers. To begin this sophomore attepmt at Xanga writing I figured nothing would be better than a drunken post. Tonight I postponed a trip to the International House of Pancakes (aka: IHOP for you lesser informed citizens of ...life) for a venture to the local bars of the Drake campus (West End and the Library) with a few associates (drinking is like business).
Dannnnnnng.... that was hard to piece together.... it's 3:28 and I'm struggling to sound coherent.
I think my tolerance is shot.... I could get wasted from 2% milk if I felt like it... sad, I know.
In other news.... I feel like eating... lots o' stuff.... perhaps a nice brie and chicken sandwich.... but I think bed would be the wiser option.
Chewbacca next door can't seem to get over his freakin' whooping cough... no lie... he rumbles the wall nearest my bed... jerk... get Niquil.
I called Jonny a little while ago... he remains my best buddy... I drank rum & Cokes and Vodka Cranberrries in his honor tonight. And then I called him drunk.
Did I mention that Jon is awesome? Well he is... and Relays are gonna be off the Hizzz- ook!
In other news... this is when I go to bed... damn... I want a McDonald's Quarter Pounder....
With Cheese...
And pickles...
and a naive freshman girl to make out with...
did I just say that outloud?
Of - freakin' COURSE I did. Liquor has DESTROYED my inner monoluge...
I am Richie Cunningham, and this is my wife OPRAH.
Amen.
Thank goodness it's only Friday night, and good luck with the cops Jonny.
Thanks for listening
I'm Out | | |
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